Saturday, May 2, 2009

Why are you Single?

I am a question asker by nature. Too often caused me trouble, from my 2nd grade teacher tattleing to mom that I mocking her when asking my peers questions to my sunday school teacher placing scotch tape over my mouth...I've always been intrigued by how a good question mark, enchanted at how raising inflection at the end of a sentence could perplex others.
Not to mention the best counter-move of all time, answering a question with a question.
So I asked people this week when I was asked: "why are you single?" with "why are you married/in a relationship..."
The responses definitely stimulated something....
I'm too picky (or it's variant: I have too high of standards)
I'm not into the dating scene
I haven't met the right one
I'm too busy to date
I need to work on myself first

Married/In a relationship
I wanted some one to do things with
I wanted to raise children with him
Some one had to clean up after me because my mom stopped doing it
He asked

When asked, single people tend to provide defensive responses that speak to a personal deficit of some sort...married people point out relational benefits.

So, why are you single? Why are you married/in a relationship? What do you get out of it? What does it cost you?


  1. "So, why are you single? Why are you married/in a relationship? What do you get out of it? What does it cost you?"

    I am single by choice and happy with myself. I have freedoms that I maybe can't get while being in a relationship. I will say however, that I am always open to having a relationship with the right lady. Being single doesn't seem to cost me much (well, maybe Uncle Sam sees it differently), but all in all, no cost.

  2. I am single because "I am" Just like I am 5 feet one inch...there are good things about it andnot so good things about it. It is part choice and part circumstance...
    I get out of having to consider another person's needs as part of my fundamental daily decision (like whether to go away Friday night like I did this weekend)
    But it also costs me always having ONE key person that faithfully obligated to experience my experiences with...

  3. Don't Food yourself...of course there are costs. The potential for a partner to focus on besides yourself can be immensely satisfying...and infuriating. Sometimes, it's nice to make dinner becuase "joe likes lasagna." Shared happiness is doubled...
    but then again, so is sadness.
    That connection is inherently awe-inspiring

  4. I think I am single because "I am" too. But on the other hand if I were willing to change certain things about myself, I could definitely be in a relationship. The problem is that I'm not willing to change important things JUST so I can be in a relationship.

    But that isn't your question.

    Why am I single? I don't know.

    Why am I happily single? Because I've finally given myself a chance at living the life I've always dreamed of.

    What do I get out of it?
    Bliss and personal growth and the happiness and the ability to follow my dreams, take no crap and pick the people I want in my life.

    What does it cost me? Social stigma and financial security.

  5. To the question "Why are you single" I would give the simple and obvious response,

    "Because I don't want to be married."

    Infuriatingly incomplete, but also quite true.

  6. I am married...gosh...the people you asked why are you married talked about THE DECISION to marry, not why they are NOW married...interesting.
    I am married because it is good for the kids, my physical health, and because it's funner to lick an ice cream cone with another person

  7. I am single because I haven't made being a couple a priority yet, although I might have just made it a priority.

    I'm single because it took me a while to be happy being alone - and now that I am, I know I can be happy in a couple.

  8. Interesting that ppl who are in a relationship answered in the abstract - not in terms of The One they're with... which I always thought was obnoxious BS... I was pretty happy being single, but then met someone I just couldn't get enough of. And I guess I decided to be in a relationship bc the benefits (laughter, companionship, love) seem to outweigh the costs (free/alone time, toilet seat location).


About Me

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PhD in clinical psychology. Single. Pushing 30. Suffering Whiplash from the Roaming 20s...Who am I? What do I want? Where do I belong? Welcome to my self-induced treatment, a testament that we can all be a little crazy in our search for significance.